Grey

JUST IN CASE.

2011-12-09T04:16:00.000-08:00

Hey! (:
I'm Not sure if i have that a much readers.
Recently im posting over @ www.dreamsofglitteredsnow.blogspot.com.
Not going to change to a static skin here, 'cause for some reasons, maybe you guys need the links/the archives to read.

-

My love for;

2011-11-18T22:43:00.000-08:00

Who would have known.

www.dreamsofglitteredsnow.blogspot.com

Because i am not in the right mind now.

2011-11-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yes. There are probably a million things that i thought i should do / i told myself i'd do yet i haven.
Yes. I am guilty as charged.
No. I don't even find the need to explain because i don't ever thought it that way. Ever. (Alright this sentence prolly sounded confusing.)
I am feeling really bad right now. Because i haven been there for the people i ought to be. Then again, i was never part of it. Like the whole thing. Even though there are people, whom were of my concern perhaps gave me a second chance, which was this concert, yet i didn't took hold of it.
I might just have typed a lengthy post just to lament on the should have. No. Now on, i am going cherish and live moments the way i want to - Of course still praying to God. There might be mishaps, regrets, and God-Knows-What. I am not going to look back. The only reason that i might may, is to learn from the past, or prolly just to reminisce or reflect. You see, memories are the only thing that stays the same, and history are the best reference books that you can ever get access to. That's what i learnt.

Nah. I have received enough comments you know, from life from everyone else. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop here. At this point. When i grow older, i study/work/have a family/grow even older/before i die, there are going to be people/demons/devil-like coming my way and trying to get me down. Am i going to back up? Am i going to give up? These are like open-ended questions. You can either be submissive or you fight it.

My answer: I know that as long as we are with our lord, :) We will be fine. :) SO FIGHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!
Or maybe i will just simply ignore nonconstructive / negative comments and try to work with the opposite ones. ;) Yes my dear friends, fret not. I'm not going through the rebellious period now. I'm still the naggy cry baby who will ever so going to call/text/rant to you guys whenever i need listening ears/advice/presences from you guys. :) Or just because i miss you guys so. I have been taught to love which prolly is one of the things in my life that i wouldn't want to give it up. :)
The rising issue - I feel that some times we have been living in this world trying please people and fit into the skin of acceptance (of this world) too much obliviously. We don't realize it, we change because the world made us.
Then again, you guys could/can disagree with me. :)

Prejudice.
Hatred.
Unforgiveness. (Got spelling error! LOL)

Some times its all about letting go. - Loves, suie.

P/s: I might never be able to track back, because the most expensive currency in this world waits for no one anyone know or ever knew. The only thing you can/could do when you realize what you have of this world, which is the currency that which i may have spoken before, is to spent and utilize it wisely.

If you had one dream, will you chase it despite all odds.

2011-11-02T00:56:00.000-07:00

When you think you are good, there's always some one better out there.

:) I am just glad that today God has been with me. And i know he always will for the rest of my life. :)

I miss you.

Just because; And i forgot what's more important.

2011-10-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

Hey. I totally forgot, we use to sit by together wishing we could do things that kids do during festive(s) out there. You know. We can't dress up like faeries, neither can we layer up because Singapore's too hot. I forgot how important you are to me, and how the little things that should be important - i thought not. Because i was too occupied with anger and what else clouding my sight. I am sorry.
You might not think it's you i am apologizing to, but its you.

I have to give it up. It's a little too much for me to control or change. I can always surprise you, i can always listen to you and instead of showing how much i understand or care, i prefer to make you move on/ not thinking about it anymore/ laugh. Because sitting on it is not going to change it, and if you can't change/control it, let go. :) At least, You are doing it with me. :)
But i realize it doesn't satisfy you. What should i do? I am insensitive and so are you. Both of us. How?
Let go. Let go.

Ima fly to somewhere you never thought you knew, until you are ready and have come to join me.

Love, Suie.

Precious Title.

2011-10-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted. AND AT THE SAME TIME EXCITEDDDDDDDDD.

AH HAHA. :) There's a reason. Actually not just one but plentiful, and i am going to share it. Just not here.

It's not bragging, not being proud, its just i am really happy and i want to share.

Even so, guys don't have to worry about it. 'Cause i wouldn't start blabbering about it, if it doesn't interest you or concern you.

I'll try :)

I will try to control myself a little, whether ... Okay, maybe not. haha. :)

HAHA. :) OPPS. Well, what's life without living it to the fullest. Everyone can do with a smile, even from a stranger. :)

*As long as you don't seem mad-case* **Unless you're with your friends, you can be mad-case**

Yes, i have written priorities. :) Yeah. :)

I am falling for !@#$%^&* in time to come. ;)

Three things: Contentment, Trust, Acceptance.

Three feelings: Love, 23456789

Loves, suie. :) :)

p/s: http://markcharlesboots.com/blog

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Stare blank everyday.

2011-10-27T01:56:00.000-07:00

I am officially nuts. Like ever imagine suie sitting in front of the computer screen like every day for at least seven hours? That's like suie working in an office cubicle. That's like @#$%^&*.

Period. How am i suppose to concentrate when my eyes are tired already? :(
Many things like always, run through my mind. I cried.
Some times, all i wanted was for some one to listen, then again i didn't want to talk.
HOW.

I need time, i need focus. I need myself to abide. I need to well management.

What am i doing.

Love suie.
P/s I know there are countable people there for me to love. Yet i am finding someone to love, isnt that plainly ironic?

And when nightfalls my mind revolved to write physically unwritten and unsent letters.

2011-10-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

haha, Yes. Been watching some movies (Past) on Funshion - Awesome.. :)
Recently, i can't stop thinking about what to do after i graduate. Should i work? Try to get into a local University no matter what course and all, just keep on applying? Fight for a chance to study overseas? Apply for arts? or do a runaway with michelle to somewhere!!!!!!!!!!! *MUAHAHA*

Other than that, I have been out of sorts recently, All i can think about is trying to force myself to lose some weight/tone/slim down (Even though i guess i haven been really putting my mind into it) else it would be project and dance. Dance. I read something from my friend's status: "What do you do when you realize ur not as sure abt something u were so sure before?"
That's prolly the nearest thing to what i have about dance *and other stuff*. It's not that i am doubting my passion for dance, if so i would have stopped long ago like what Chelle says about the few of them. Dance has been such a huge part of my life that i didn't even realize! And now, if i were to choose what would i choose? Will i be able to bear with my decisions? Will it be the right choice? How about God's will, is it?

I am really glad for the ones that are still beside me, and recently people are constantly warning me about trust. Why? Trust is the most valuable thing i guess in the world between two people, if a person is willing to trust you so much no matter what you said or did, just to give you that last shot - isn't it the most precious thing that you could ever ask for? :) - i personally think so, different people might have different opinion i guess.

Anyhow, mum's back and i really gotta rest. Been feeling lethargic. Arghs. FATTISH. 0.0
CHAN SUIE YOU HAVE TO DO IT TO IT. :)

BYEEEE. - suie.

One-on-one.

2011-10-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

www.blackmilkclothing.com.
This morning i had this conversation with my mum about cars. It wasn't the first, and it was about rich people bidding for car plates.
Ya. People who have nothing better to do (Or rather spend on) but to bid for ridiculous car plates. Yeah, like oh that car's having a car plate 99. -.- And you are paying the price of what a few LV bags for it. Okay, totally don't get it. But my mum was like, look if you were that rich you would do this kind of things, you know, splurging/spendthrift. Well, then i thought perhaps this family has a fetish for car plates or to be different from other people by have a number 99 as their car plates, you know two digits? You know 1-10 belong to the royal members only, so they are quite near. You know? No i don't know.

Buying LV(s), splurging at Blackmilk, Or buying more clothes from bazaars and fleas makes much more sense to me. -.-

After reflection: I thought its like how guys always think why does women need so much clothes. But well, if guys have much variety and cheaper clothes they would; look at people from Lookbook.

Both from blackmilkclothing .

Alright, with all the rantings aside, i kinda have much wants recently. More towards wearables. haha, but you have got to spend some bux for it!!
Boohoo! saving for good stuffs, definitely worth. :) I guess.

With FYP i am headed for a busy period. Like serious busy, cause i am going to mug for it. Like i have to. Because i have no clue how am i going to do it, but i am going to do it (Imma own it!). That's the fun part i guess, challenging myself for greater heights. We never know what's coming so wait for it or work with what you have now.

"It's never what you are made of but what you do with what you are made of." - Step up 2.

Live for today because even today is given by grace. Never waste your time for time never waits and can never be renewed. You can only go forth and thus learn and take whatever you've got seriously and not seriously. hahaha, get what i mean? :)

Right now, i know that i have lord with me taking the lead. Though i almost say I, yet i am constantly reminded of How my Lord is my Lord. He is the reason why i am existing and what i have/had. :)

"I decided in the end to ____, _____, and everything in between."
There are prolly many things i live(d) by, and i feel that listing them down isn't going to make you remember them nor living by it. It will just serve as a promise or guide that you should abide. You change, the world turns, what's new? :) Everything. :)

Okay, i should stop, recently i am getting older than my age. What's wrong with meeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

BYEBYE! - suie!

erneuern

2011-10-04T00:18:00.000-07:00

:) - I'm back. :)
It might be misleading for some though. :)

Alright so i shall start with my camp stuff? :) Being in camp is one of the few situations/circumstances that provides you the stage to judge whether are you good in communicating/leading/bonding/sensitive or insensitive to people and situations/teamwork and whatever the motive you have in being in the camp.
Obviously, i hid it well among the new people i met in my recent years. I still suck being the 'friendly extrovert', I still give people misinterpretation about myself/my actions/behavior. I'm not complaining, its good in a way. :)

Hmm. *processing my thoughts*
During the camp, and after, i learnt many things. Once i thought i was way mature than the age i'm at, which i'm proved wrong.
In life we are given many tools, many platforms, criteria's, and constraint to work with. And some times the best way out is to not complicate matters. But usually we try to outperform, and we create problems for ourselves. I don't mean it is a bad thing. *It really depends how you see and manipulate it*
Just like when someone request you to give him/her a box. Give the marker a box and you will get full marks, like a check box marking.
Yet you will go: "width? length? dimension? design? color? pattern? material? depth? shape? what kind of cover?"
Honestly, when my senior prompted this, i wanted to ask some of the questions. Haha. That was when he re-emphasized, that all he wanted was a box. He would have checked the check box and give us full marks. It doesn't matter how pretty it is, all he wanted was a box. Get the point? :)
Many times you can derive loads of learning lessons from others. Like how when my mama was young, she had to share a set of colouring pencils with her sisters, and just nice at that particular week they had art class on the same day and period. So she chose orange, yellow and red. They all had to draw and color trees. So the teacher asked why were the leaves on your tree orange. She replied, cause it was autumn.
How smart was that man. LOL if it were me, i would be like, oh cause it's my tree and i like it orange. LOL.

Okay. Or maybe i am dumber than my mum. Eh, with age comes wisdom okay! :)
Teehee.
*Post getting longer, process!*
I shall cut it already. *for camp stuff* Camp was really a great break for me, i guess i needed some place for me to chuck my attitude away. So don't ignite it again.
Booking out, went home for quick change and lunch before a long ride to search for dresses. Fittings not bad, though it has becoming obvious to me that i need to lose about three inches minimum (overall) *to be awesomely awesome*, and my hip(glutes) is childbearing material. LOL.
We didn't waste the day even though i was in a real terrifying mood, we manage to get the outfits, ate good food, and had good laughs. :)
Lessons at smu (Reminds me how exam is nearer), i have to start on revising and planning for my Final year Project soon.
I don't mind being a personal trainer! *random thoughts*

Going for a periodic shopping session with pooh(s) :) *Tiger and piglet*
ahahahhaha. :)

Love; suie. ;)

p/s: I really hope life's just like directing a movie, where you can shout 'cut!' and change the plot you desire.

Pack and gone.

2011-09-29T10:11:00.000-07:00

:) Going to be on my way to school in about seven hours or more.
And i will only be back on sunday night.
It's prolly the break that i need right now to sort out what i am going to do, now on.
Whether its about, friends/friendships, dating, life in general, future (5/10/6/3 yrs from now), career, dance, handicrafts, culture, whatever.
I really need to stand up and get myself tidied up.
Met up with X and M. I totally feel like some one else watching by the sidelines.
No pun intended, no hard feelings.
I guess maybe it is time to let go? I have no idea. (Totally not linking with the above two sentences.)
The thing about giving up your friends, as wrong as it sounds, is painful. At least it is to me.
I could be, but i am not, like: 'Oh, it don't matter, since its going to be awkward' Or 'If it's not meant to be, well i just have to give it up'. I can't do it.

Maybe because i am unwilling to change. In a sense: 'who the heck now at our age can be as candid and true to one and other. It's the time where we grow into little chameleons and protect ourselves with one thousand and one colors to face other chameleons.' Oh, thinking about it irks me to the core.
I can't. People know when i feel negative to them. Explains the speech from one of my friend. People know if i think or not. But they like to self delude themselves.

I get a lot of misinterpretation.
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Alternatively, i change.
I can be someone who doesn't talk much. (It might be unbelievable but nobody knows any other in and out completely. So quit judging.)
I can be someone who chose to not express freely how she feels about things and her surrounding.
I can be someone that listens, smiles at every single thing, sympathize with you, care for you and be there 24/7.
~~I almost said i can be the girl who smokes, hangout late, sleepover at random friend's house.~~ (I don't think i would ever want everyday to be, even though it might sound fun and all damn bonding. What happened to the days where we all cherish the precious times that we could spent late nights out, or sleep over at girl's' house?) especially the studying for 'O's period. Damn, Why won't anyone reminiscence these.
Yes, people do 'change' because they grow up, they mature, the friends the have/mingle(d), their surrounding environment, circumstances. Etc
But i heard phrases like, a leopard never changes it spots. I heard things like, its easier to move a mountain than to change a person's character.
But i go with this: 'When people change it means the end.'
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Momentarily ranting/babbling.
I get the point totally. I'm just not satisfied in why people need this and that. Maybe i wanted so much for others to fit in (vice-versa), i guess maybe we should just stop asking each other to fit in at all.
I am going to just let things go their way, and prolly its time for me to stop being so bossy and nosy about nonsensical sh!t.

I am not really saying it is nonsensical, its just if they want you to know, you will get to know, otherwise it prolly don't concern you anyway. Alternatively, you can ask. It depends. You get direct/direct relation or inverse relation.

I am so going to not make sense if i continue.
Sleepyyyyy!

When i assume to much, I make myself sad. Be overly-confident and you get: 'Bitches talking behind you back.'
Suie: Ignorance is bliss, applies not to fools but the wise who choose not to let nonconstructive forces affect the boundaries of their power/influence.

Nights everyone! :)
loves, suie.

P/s: you might feel it. And if you don't then you prolly didn't really cared in the first place, i wouldn't mind. :)

Twats

2011-09-23T09:06:00.000-07:00

Currently hoked on these two songs:

Her figure also not bad siol!

Ah haha.:)
After snacking on my sister's cooking i decided that she can cook now. Like 'oh my she can actually whip something like this.' TEEHEE.

Had an amazing time with the girls and seriously really liked the times with them. I must learn to cherish it, even how. :) i am trying and learning to be a better person and christian. :)

Alright, on the side note. Bumped into M. I was like, happy and glad at the same time.
In my heart iwl: *Heart fluttering* "@#$%^&U*I(!@#$%^&*(" LOL.
~~I guess i never did forget you, because you were the first guy that ever loved me the way i am. :) hahaa.~~

:) yeahhhhh! I shall go shower and play sims already! :) i can't wait for TC; yet i really hope my knee recovers quick.

Love suie! :)

It's getting a little.

2011-09-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

Alright.
A little bit about today. I will start from the end then to the start.
Ended the day with lots of questions/thinking in my mind. Like, oh. People really do have the impression of me being superduper busy.
Is like an imprint. I have to admit that yeah, my nights are taken. But my afternoons are often free.
~~I know it might seem pointless even to have that pointed out.~~

Met Hammie, great time. Love her. :)
she was working earlier on, which i know how much rest time she sacrifices. aww. Sweet.

while she was making her way down/working. the three of us went for 'johnny english'. I had this mini surprise for Van and arran. I hope they liked it and frankly, im worried that _____ wasn't comfortable with me the entire day. I could feel that if it was just me and him, he would not bother (As cold as was he's reply, as much i feel him hating me, tensing up inside).
In my heart i was like: " It's really sad, as he stands a huge space in my life, and well have been in my life for freaking 12 years. "
~~I don't even know if you bother with how i feel now.~~

I am really just finding this hard to let go.
*mumbles* Gah.
Suie. You can do it. :)

The morning was good, because despite that i wanted to sleep in more, i went out for a walk to grab my brunch. I was really hoping that i was with you. Waiting for your reply, but it came more skeptical than ever. Even picking up my calls seem like a drag to you.
In my heart iwl: "I don't want to be fake in-front of you, so i'm not going to try so hard to act cheery." (It doesn't mean i am faking cheery all the time, is just that when i get rejected i don't want to try so super hard to make some one feel perked in meeting me/conversing/be with me)
(immature) : "I know how it might be, it would be my fault entirely huh? Ever heard about it takes two hands to clap, and i made the effort. I am not saying just so that i redeem myself or what evilee perspective you have/had of me. I am a bimbo probably, yet i could feel you tensing. I wanted to cry then, its like we are judging whether to pull each other out of our hearts. Or rather you already did and you want the place you had in my heart to be given to someone else."

Since, hanging out with me, you said words like, "she forever one. / oh, she starting liao / She pull stunt again" Means, i probably am not the kind of girl you guys think i am now.
I am not fake you know, i am not two-faced. I am a simpleton, who appreciates what i have. Even though maybe by living the moment i don't cherish people the same as much as my moments in life, but i know i have been naive enough, so much that i thought i will always have you by my side yet, you drifted away so silently, or have i been too oblivious about it. Why can't you guys be honest/candid about it. Don't have to hide the truth from me. ~~If you wanna leave do it like that woman(Though she didn't really did it, as i was the one who confronted and it was ugly. But i got the point and, i cried and let go.~~). And tell me about it. At least i know, and whatever happens to me, whatever i do to forget you guys. You guys don't even have to hear about it.

Maybe i will be left standing alone, but this is one of the consequences i have to face of my decisions/choices and to be strong. Is like why won't anyone ask the strong ones how they manage to do it? Inside we are bleeding so terribly, that we became vampires and bleed no more. Our cracks heal up, and when there is a stepping stone, we dive in for the bite. That's the world now isn't it.

Enough of these thoughts. It's getting overwhelming. DIARY!
LOL. :)

Loves. :)

Regrets.

2011-09-19T08:44:00.000-07:00

I still remember once a time i told myself to live life without regrets. To live the moment.

I don't know if eating at night was a right choice. Gosh.

I suppose me have to do it again tmr. Not eating supper.

Carrying on. There have been a particular thing going on my mind, And even though i have not found the person in which i can share my passion and thoughts with, (i know its my fault too) but i guess i can share it with my Lord.

I hope everything turns out good. And though maybe the road might get airier and more milestones, but i will strive hard and do my best to work smart too,

Singing to my king. :)

Okay, i have to go already. :)

Toodles.

Some times i thank my friends to much. Some times humble, some times arrogant. Some times too straight forward. As much as i appreciate honesty and candidness, i do get appalled by it some times. But its good stuff for relationship; Most of the time.

Loves suie.

p/s: i can't tell you how i feel, because all you can say is that's just her. But i ain't phony, i am just too real for you to believe.

Just love in my presence. Motive.

2011-09-17T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am really bloated right now! Should have ran a few more rounds!
Moving on. There were days i wanted to blog how photography means to me.
Today whilst walking home, an ironic thought struck me.
Patties. Yeah. It irks me. Because i realize how much i don't like it but i still eat it. Which is completely out of me. The kind of smell (Eww) and the little bits of white translucent stuff you find when you chew on it, it could be the bones (now that i think of it). Gross. I am so gonna puke now.
Just like how i manage to swallow steam mince pork.
I am disgusted by myself. Similarly, sausages/ hot dogs/corn dogs/whatever you call it, Has presented the same to me. Super disgusting condom rolls in which when you pierce your teeth into its synthetic cover burst out that empty feeling of raw-ness and juice.

Uh. Gotta stop. I must not give in to people and swallow the kind of things that i actually abhor or irks me.

Haha. i have got to pray pray and pray more often. Shhs. I should actually get my books and bible. hahahha.
:) practice tmr. Hope it goes well. two three hours of practice. :) goody. :) Monday, swimming. :) dancing. Cheers! :)
:)

Suie. :) with lots of love.

September brews.

2011-09-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah. Heck no i am filling it with blues. Even blues are good news - smurfs.
Any chance of anyone understanding what i am writing some times? :)
I know, most of the time i rant about understanding, and like no one could ever truly understand some one. That's true. And for me, it was & is very true indeed. I am some one whom even though expressed so much of my love und desire towards some one, but the most delicate thing(s) of the person i can actually diminish it like that. The funny part was, i don't even know. Yes. Cliche - Until when it's gone.
True enough i say how much we have lost it. How much i missed it. And you actually gave me so much chances. But i lived for the moment - only. I took it and then i give it up.
I give up to easily at times, most of the time
and now you are giving it up too?

Will you give me another chance? I know how unfair it is, i promise that even though i don't know how, i'd make it up to you.
If you know my dear
Ask me out now
Ask me out
I will go meet you even how
rush it is going to be
i just want to say hi
to hold you
to see
that smile on your face
Why have you got to do this alone
I could have been there for you
I could have..
I wish we could always be the first ones
for each other.
- #1 speed dial

(even though i don't have your number now, i know you might think it could be a moment of sentimental thing for me. but it wouldn't be, cause my love and warmth for you surpass these words i conjured. I know you know. Please let not the warmth fade. Please. )

p.s: you and i weighed so heavily in each others' heart. Why let go?
you are my solution and i could be yours.
suie.

When i was young; Love's confetti.

2011-09-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

Photography. :)

Falling in love with the wrong type of guy.

2011-09-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

Seriously!
I must stop falling in love with Gay-Boy(s). What if i become Gay. That is so not right.
By saying this doesn't mean i am against Homo(s) or whatsoever. I am just saying that, i don't wanna be gay, just like if you ~~were~~ are gay, you don't wanna be straight. Tada.
Opps.

Recently i am really rotting at home or anywhere. Just too listless for anything. Even bickering with my sister requires so much effort from me, that i would just stop replying her. You think that's normal? Nope. Definitely not from this woman. LOL
WOMAN. Sheesh.
Mum just spent a bomb on health products. Whilst i spent ~~a bomb~~ on make up.
Some times i wonder where's the 'oh i won't put make up in the future' mindset i used to have. Some times i shouldn't be so quick on the tongue about future.

Yes. Some things that i have got to agree, is that Changes made/done/simply with/through God is more permanent than made/done/simply with./through self. Vice versa. (?)
(They are all good, but he's on the right.)

*stares*

Loves suie! ;)

Deciding whether to take up more part time courses. :(

Persona

2011-09-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Today went over at republic poly to have practice. Wasn't much, but i'm beat. Like seriously. Went over to winnie's birthday party, was glad to see her. She lost an amount of weight. The rest was good. :) Ate like a pig.
One thing i realize is that when you are fat, people don't comment you are fat. But to know when you are skinny is when people tease you by saying you are fat.
Nonsense aside. Planning dates with nanny, the rest not so much. I am getting pissed by a particular person.

I guess people do change or at a certain point of time, had their inner-self revealed.
Not so good. I realized actually nobody really wants to know about how you are doing. It is just a conversation starter, maintainer. Like hey how's it going? *blah* Oh really?? Woah.. *yayayaya* Okay, i see.
I am just being skeptical. I know probably sounded really offensive here. But yeah, i am just pissed because i know that actually no one is interested in what i am about to say some times. Most of the time, i just do like what i do ramble off. Hoping it get stuck some where. But no.
Some times i have to hand it God. Cause he is the only one (haha, actually maybe some times God my be like not again?! ) that will be there for ever, listening to me and replies me seriously! :) hahaha.
Okay i sounded really prissy. STRIKE.

I want to be a billionaire! :) Not really, but i do want to be cover girl. :)

hahahaha. :)
oops. I want to be some one who has the ability to have people to pamper her. That sounded prissy too. LOL!
okay lurh. Enough nonsense. Falling sick. GG.

BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Loves suie!! :)

Confessions #

2011-09-11T22:13:00.000-07:00

In fact i don't think i know my best friends like i thought i knew.

CRIES! ADORABLE WORDS!

2011-09-11T22:07:00.001-07:00

" i like what i say so i liked my own post" - MICHELLE
"okay. you're getting too hyper. conversation with you ends here." - MICHELLE!

Just let me die!!!

2011-09-11T21:02:00.001-07:00

Title: About me
Under: "Thank you for your interest in Edward, and please know that Edward is very interested in you. " :)

GAWD ZXCZDT%WSXCVHTRESXC VBYTRESX VB

I simply fall in love with adorable words! :)

2011-09-11T20:48:00.001-07:00

"By then I will have a Keurig coffee brewer. And if not, then I have failed and no longer deserve to live."
-Blake-Jacobsen

HEARTS!

Its the little things that make us go wild :)

2011-09-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

When i hover too long over the blank page, i get stuck not knowing how to write.
Felt to-day was infinite but fun filled day.
Started off with a sleepover with miss tiger and headed over to Lei yi's house for some dancing session; ending the day with hotpot and bonding session with _____ clique. *we haven really decide the name* Anyways, i kinda enjoyed myself. Despite having some aching & pains here and there.
Muahahaa. Been spending. And realizing. So have to like save up already.
A lot of wantsss! Teehee!
I need to start training alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I need to start Saving alreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
I need to start jialabokchak!
LOL. I don't even now what am i typing! ahha. MICHELLE FASTER COME HOME!

The end.

I use-d to have friends that stood in different areas und aspect(s) of my life. But now i left not-a-many. What happen-ed. really. What's the glitch.

- suie :)(:

Tonight i m loving you!

2011-08-31T06:45:00.000-07:00

Even at home, shopping is one's love!

I WANT MY ENVELOPE CLUTCHHHHHHHHHHH.

Since i would most probably be not getting the shoes, i might as well source for others plus getting my bagssssss from ALDO. When will i save up for my $800 miumiu BANGLES.

Kill me NAOSSSSS..

Been rotting at home a lot. And even a twenty minutes jog got me sweating like mad. Gawd. I really need some dose of 'Get fit right now' anybody interested in getting fit with me???

Ahh.

Saw hot guy at seven eleven. Gawd. Gonna go there like nighttime to see him. HAWT HAWT

:) Blog tmr. :))

Are we about to die or perish in the eyes of another.

2011-08-30T00:38:00.000-07:00

Okay. I need, a camera. Yes. A camera.

Hmm.. But i would rent/borrow it. I miss taking pictures randomly. Like how when the winds brush through my skin i would look up and see sunlight peeking through the green umbrellas. And everything else is like a dream. Smokey patches runs endlessly in the light blue stream, and i continue eyes ahead smiling away with my friends racing towards the sun we know that is setting when we get there.

Yeah. :)

Some time alone is a good thing. You get to think, get to do things somehow, however you want to.

Though really, its a perplex feelings because you could feel empty, lonely, lost yet its like pudding Gentleness.

Yup. I know i am going to not make any sense already. Teehee.

Dreaming of white chocolates.

Ice-cream and mint. :)

Borrowed a dozen of books (About there - totaled by three girls. )

Ahaha. I miss reading too. :) Magazine. Fashion. All the crazy sh!t i use to do.

Loves, Suie. :)

P/s: Who's running till the sun sets and kiss my goodnight till the dawn breaks.

Its just the way how we feel

2011-08-25T23:44:00.000-07:00

Some times i feel like i am living a lot of lives. The question is am i able to handle it.

The right kind of attitude, mindset and management. About it?

People often looked at me differently. And at times i do wonder if i were living up to their various expectations. Then i looked at those who walked with me down the yellow brick road. It was a happy ending right?

Some times i feel like Little alice. Some times a realistic model. And most of the time i am partially confused, about what am i doing right now.

Oh yes i know. Dancing, schooling, living my life as the daughter in my family, friends/besties/sisters/pals/buds/etc with people, and what else. But the thing is, what was the main goal in my life.

When i am lost, i write, i talk, i act out of sorts.

I impose other people, looking into their dreams, searching for something.

I am crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.

People often tell me so. People often laugh with me so.

And so, I tell myself. I shall stop thinking about it.

And let my Father decide. my heavenly father.

Yes. Hoping he will guide me so obviously. Which on my part i have to be sincere, praying, faith and doing something about it.

bye world.

I can't remember if it was right.

2011-08-25T10:39:00.001-07:00

Went out with Carmen for the past two days. Wasn't so bad. Been having some wants and needs recently trying so hard to earn some bucks to up keep with it. Talking about this, I have been wringing my brains about my future. Well, not really in the far view but like what to do after i graduated. :)

I sound like an old woman.

Dancing Dancing. Hmm.. I'm thinking if being a part-time freelance dancer is good. Well not exactly freelance, but attaching myself on the job scope. You get to do what you like and earn money. Not bad. The thing is i will be making myself busy and like trying to juggle my priorities and testing my time management again.

Which up to now, isn't that good. I feel super bad about it. And i am a bad friend. ;(

Gah. I really need to organize. Get efficient. And i need to get ___, ______, ____.

And i somehow feel being a bimbo isn't that bad after all.

Enough nonsense. I will try to update the space with better stuffs. I guess.

ALDO shoes and NIKE Running shoes on the lists.

SAVE ME. MONEY DROP FROM THE SKY PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

Goodnights everyone. ;)

P/s: Finding myself Heartless as i age.

Everance

2011-08-24T00:31:00.000-07:00

Have you ever.

Some times i really need to concentrate. Who to blame when, i am the one having short attention towards things that do not entire interest me.

Have you ever wonder if we could summon hundred percent concentration towards things or situation as and when.

Cut off watching Glee.

I think i will just stop here.

I rely too much on others assurance. Damn it.

love. :)

Been thinking.

2011-08-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

Baby. I have been thinking, Thinking about you. I have been missing, missing you.

I guess i have been suppressing, those unhappy things. I do not want to break down again. I do not want to be what i think i could be you know. And i feel maybe i should change.

Some times, some things are best left unsaid. And one day if i were to be alone, could i still survive?

The things some times i think about, i don't speak of. Nowadays, i speak of it, time to time and i feel that people don't really want to know.

Jaclyn If one day you see this, Tell me you love me hao ma? I really loved you. You are my best friend, from the very bottom of my heart. I remember so much more than what my memory could contain. I am so afraid that our story might just stop there. It shouldn't right. Still remember, how different you are to me, totally. The times after school. Cockroach war. Countless times your face turns epic because you are scared of pain. The swing and rain. The fun times during band, being late, camps and pumping. Me you jer and cheng, on the phone. all the heart to heart talks walking home. The times where you keep hurting yourself remember your eye incident? Then, we have all the gossips, laughters eating maggi mee. There's simply so much more. I am to cry, will you?

As we graduate, we cried, we hugged. WE promised till the very end. searched for work together, kim gary moments, shopping trips, gazing the stars and talking at night. :) i miss every thing. Every single thing.

Things change i guess. They do i guess.

Loving.

Suie.

P/s: i am confused, now.

Have you ever had the moments before regrets.

2011-08-04T04:29:00.000-07:00

Two hours before regrets. :)

I lay on my bed, seated beside my bed. I'm reading about a marriage, guy cheating on a girl. And as this plays, you called.

When you called i slurred. I didn't know why, and i had never realize in these years.

Is this why you fell for me?

I wonder sometimes, how perhaps you and i were like what i said *with no intention* that very day. We were laughing off it.

From that day, perhaps both of us made a decision which both of us thought it was mutual but it was not.

I think, we were like the ones who were cheating. Whether oblivious or not.

And i being the one in denial.

Anyway, i have to got it rein in. And i should stop lazing around and get some serious work done.

Suie. What on earth happened to you!

Good actors - I wonder what's next for us and them

2011-07-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hula-hooping

2011-07-26T10:57:00.000-07:00

Yes, i ought to be hula-hooping. But. But.

Anyway, continuous blogging about my mundane life has perhaps bored (if there is/was any) readers, but still i am supposed to. LOL.

Just entertaining myself, 'cause i have nothing much to do. Blaming my insomnia for all these lethargic-ness.

I MEGA NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. I know repeatedly i have spoken and written and typed this. AND I HAVEN BEEN REALLY DOING THIS. BUT YEAH.

Aye. Me need some bones. :)

ENOUGH. ME tired.

ME SHOULD NOT BE NAUGHTY, BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

I NEED TO BE FOCUS. I NEED TO STOP THINKING IT IS ALRIGHT.
BUT I SHOULD SMILE AMIDST ALL.

Love, Suie. :)

Over the seas!

2011-07-21T22:25:00.001-07:00

Actually i just wanted to blog. :)

Anyway, i want to thank all the people that have been really nice and kind to me for the week. YOU GUYS PAWNS. :)

Over the seas!

2011-07-21T22:25:00.000-07:00

Actually i just wanted to blog. :)

Anyway, i want to thank all the people that have been really nice and kind to me for the week. YOU GUYS PAWNS. :)

Raisins!

2011-07-14T23:06:00.000-07:00

How random.

Anyways, wanted to blogg recently but haven got the time to really roll in my bed, until today because i skipped school. I'm feeling bad about it. And like i know i have tons of things to settle but in the meanwhile lying n the bed having chocolates is something i'm doing and liking now.

Silently sometimes i think a lot to myself. At times i could not fall asleep. At times when moments gets lonely. Or when i am praying.

I guess writing sometimes makes my words a stand. Since it has equated to being known to people. Perhaps i am really giving up.

Letting things go seems tough but when you get the gist, it all seems clear.

People come in your life, open you heart and accept them. At the same time, when it is time for them to go, open your heart and let them.

it isnt about not cherishing them, or not wanting them to stay by your side.

It is just that, for now they have done and fulfilled the purpose they have had to be in your life.

And if they are meant to be yours, they will not be gone, for they are still walking down the road of life just somehow not with nor front or back, just at the side-road. :)

Meaningless or whatever it is. Sometimes i talk too much. Way too much. I'm not sure if it is a disease or whether an influence of my hype.

And most of the time i regret most of the words that came out of my mouth.

Because, to me i feel, you will never be able to comprehend what impact will you do to the person of what you have spoken to him/her/them.

There are certain aspects i need to focus right now, and also to cultivate myself in the meanwhile

Lose weight.

School work.

Dance.

Save money.

Yeah. :) Like hocus pocus lose weightttt! :)

Alrights. I am not going to let any opportunity slip by if i can. Because it has come to a time i realize that opportunities are not given equal to most, and to wait it seems a torture, so why not grab it when it is here. But also do what you can and within your ability.

-- There is so much going through now. Oh.

Loves suie;

I will probably die in the lime light.

2011-07-11T00:58:00.000-07:00

Some of the #$%^&*i am having/going through;

Omg. Im totally watching and addicted on this ridiculous guy whom i think sings quite alright. :)

- Boburnham. Why don't Netflix be available in SINGAPORE. GAWD HAWT. :)

- music was awesome. :) Loveley tune. :)

LOL - its a great way to make yourself famous, be a comedian and then sing it. People realize your voice and tada! :)

Gawd. Its really amazing seeing people like him around. I mean how innovative people can get, the kind of knowledge, linkage, ideas and all. The amount of things they conjured.
F***king Intellectualindividualisticnerdmeanrappishanalogymethologyethlogypoetricriticaldeliciousviciously

Awesome #$%^&*

WAhen at times you thought you were alone, you thought you are at the weirdest thoughts/anything else. relax. You have so much more you can push. So much more you can learn! :)

:) woots. Inspiration.

:) Heck. :)

AHHHH. Going crazilyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy mad. Weird. Random. ;)

KIKI : much loves

2011-07-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

Sure, so everytime when i try to multi-task and blog. I usually then don't feel like blogging. I very much want to post certain things. Then again i would stop myself.

Coming up, school's been the usual, except we have been swarmed with a few deadlines here and there. Coming up will be ITO. Shucks. :)
Gotta really buck up and made a few plans for myself. Though i am really doubtful in how well i follow a plan/ lists of To-Dos but i will do my best. When you believe and have faith and trust in things you want to achieve, you can. :)
WEEE. Motivating only!

Gotta return my library book like asap. Almost hearing crystal nagging at me, upon my countless forgetfulness in returning of books and loans. Ah.
Talking about her, she's away to Hong Kong. :) weee. I hope she gets awesome tidbits and enjoys herself! ;)

Being myself i suppose. Random and probably no one understands the _____, i guess its just me again. :)

For these days, as much as i can reflect. I am grateful for the people who(m) tolerated my nonsense and Temper (allong with fustration, impatience, etc.). Thankful for people and friends and mates and random things that have been nice to me :) and i very much want to say that even certain sh!t has ________, I would put my hands in the air, sit on the swing and smile it through. I feel that god put a trial infront of me, made me went through it and tested. I hope i pass the test. :) I hope i have learnt something which i feel probably yes. ;)
I am really happy that at least i have lord. No, that's incorrect - should be I am really happy because - that i have Lord. :)

:) I smile for plentiful reasons. And i smile because of you and me. :)
Thank you for that two person in my life. That two random people that brought me smiles. It was totally a moment where i was a little scared, ___ yet i was laughing, screaming, all the way. :)

Thank you. :)

In times like these, in days to come, I realize true happiness some times do not have to be what it is. For Now, i am aiming towards contentment as the answer of the sentence.

What's your's? :)

Love kiki, suie.

p/s: Wonderful moments and happiness are pictures in a time capsule. For when you are at your downest point, it is the time to open that capsule relive the moments, (so that) You stand up again, fight against _____ , smile through it. (and) When you're done and over with, laugh about it, put it in a new time capsule - a different time capsule, the records of what made you stronger! :) That a way, you will live a whole new way. :) I'm actually being nonsensical. Not bother me. :)

:)

2011-07-03T07:13:00.000-07:00

I can't seem to concentrate sometimes. Gawd.
There's a few things that happened. Compliments on my mum's pants.

Made a few friends. Went to chruch. Got new shoes. ;)

There were more but i can't really remember.

Sighs. Just when i thought she realized and changed. But no.

Anyway, caught Transformer with F, kungfu and D. It was a little douche. I mean i expected more. Though nonetheless its a good watch; Like one time. X-men was certainly better, which i can't comprehend why would anyone be able to sleep through it because for one thing, i didnt - despite having being in a comfortable environment.

School studies. Same. except it's year three already. Have i not mentioned this? Trying to get myself involved in more dance mobs/performances/shows/musicals. Yet it should be like the final dash of the year. No yes?

Thinking about it, i really have got to get myself develop those films already. Five rolls. sheesh. Expensive!!

Its good that at least i know i have a job. LOL. It will be better if i can earn money a*whilst*d dance. :) woots. :)

Flash mob on the 16th july down at down town east. Catch us there! :)

Hanging on. I've gotta smile even when the rain pours and there's no umbrella. Just 'cause God's my shelter! :)

Loves! :)

KIKI ; SUIE.

Green day - renewed.

2011-06-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

I accidentally deleted my previous green day post. OH MY.

So i have to retype it. SIGHS!

Im Thankful that it was an awesome one so at least i can still write! :) woots!

Dance Now Arena was awesome Sh!t. :) My first ever musical, and like everyone was good. :)

I'm missing and loving the stage, production and people there. Effing thrilling and awesome.

AND I CAN ONLY REMEMBER THIS VERBATIM. *(I think, gawd my memory is really -.-)

"OMG JUSTIN YOU ROCK! THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME HAPPY ON A SICK DAY." :) i can't thank you enough, and like only if you ever knew my blog you would know how grateful i am. Thank you for doing what you do, just so that both of us can be in the picture.

AH. The best recollection already. :) Also i really want to thank all the awesome fellow dancers, mates and friends who all entertained me, were really nice to me. THANK YOU! :)

Awesome Awesome! :) Really loved the production! Especially Choreographers and *in my item de!* :) GUYS I LOVE YOU! :)

:) i guess there was more but i deleted my post. OH MY!

And well, there was this part about my bestie. the best present i received yet, thank you. You know i loved you so much, it once turned to hate. Shall we last forever?

Really want Plastiqs to last like infinite ever.

Alright. I shall stop here, cause.

Awesome production.

I like "The kindred Spirit"

2011-06-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

I realize i haven thanked a whole bunch of people who gave me wonderful things on my birthday! Really want to thank you guys for the thoughts placed in choosing my present, and like really really glad that you guys made the effort to remember and commemorate it. :)

"Never underestimate the kindness of other humans"

Awesome. :) - Rise against singing make it stop (September's children.)

People asking me to create twitter. Says its all better. Omg. I can hardly commit to flickr, and twitter?. Talking about this. I need to manage my time whole lot better.

Studies, Dancing, :) Photog. JYJY! :)

AND MY OTHER HOBBIES. :) SUIE YOU CAN DO IT.

Up till today, i never once thought shuffling's this tiring.

Post's Done. :)

Loves suie.

p/s: flash mob's requiring - everyday i'm shuffling.

Chocolate lips.

2011-06-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

i really can't concentrate when a love song is playing on my mind. Not of any but just so.

Today, technically yesterday was my birthday. am thankful for those that came down, and those that drop me wishes anywhere.

At times i really think i can be the meanest person living.

Performance is coming. And my wish for break through this time round is for full sportmanship + good display of choreography. WORK HARD.

Gotta be thankful fr my school work, like for the team mates i have especially the pretty-clever mate of mine. *smiles~*

Alright, apart from the usual boring sh!t headed for Prives? Which bestie says is not pronounced te way it is. So yeap. Just knew that she love brunches too, so yeah should head down with her more often. Yeah.

In my life i have held on to so much stuffs. I tried to balance it all. Yeah. But now, i realized i can't really do all that. I mean yes but not all.

And some times i just don't feel like saying so much because simply people do not care at all whether you speak it or not.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Im lost. I literally have no mood for anything. Just want to effing be alone.

Just at these times, contradicting i want someone to hold. Just for one time i want to literally breakdown and cry with someone out there to hold.

They say, people who stayed strong despite having choices to breakdown were really admirable people. (simply a nicer to put it) Stubborn asses that don't want to admit they are weak.

Effing right.

Suie.

p/s: I thought today was a good time. Im wrong. Im effing unstable.

Set fire to the rain.

2011-06-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

Some times certain things don't have to make sense. Who could understand love, for love itself was never comprehend.

It will be worthed it. If i knew you were still reading. If i knew you were still blogging, blogging with true heart.

Hey. Do you still know im here. Or has my existence cease to appear. Darling, will you hear. Hear my cries and my pleas, and the things hid within. No more. nothing else.

To explain my ways, i rather blame it on you everyday, and i rather.

I used to pray, used to wish. That one day. I'd be. How i used to be. One day. Just another day. I thought that you might be missing me. But today like other day. I stood by watching you wondering, if you happen to be watching me too.

Just like another day.

Perhaps. Perhaps i should never had to recover. Why have i got to step out of my bubble just to get hurt. Just to get lost.

The wrongful step.

For every thousand and one.

You find only one.

You polished that one.

You gave it it's worth.

You laid it and gave it away. Just for others to treasure it until it grows old and yellow.

No longer mellow. Ruined. And now no one would see it's worth.

If only that fateful day. It stood well within. Kept and clammed.

Like the pearl in the clam.

How it always should be.

Before it was found and claimed.

I know how much this would contradict my propaganda

but maybe, just maybe we all are more comforted in our own clam.

Then.. you would need a clam first right?

I kept crying. I kept tearing. I just hoped one day i could keep bleeding. Not any where else. But vomiting blood. Until i run dry.

Maybe i do not mean it. But maybe i do.

I just wanted to know if you ever loved me. Because i opened my heart again, just to get hurt once more. People warned me. Why. Why do you have to do it to me. I haven even told you anything substantial of me.

I can't accept another lie no more. I need trust more than anything right now. This moment. I am foolish once more. Someone wake me out of this dream. Bring me away. Fly me out to pluto. I need no sunshine.

Love suie.

p/s: A set of bubbles - blaze my night.

You are my new school love and my old school love;

2011-06-05T10:10:00.001-07:00

Couple weeks i was missing sermons. And today's sermon was really good. What i felt was, perhaps this week will be the surprise i need :)

I probably wasted so much time looking at things i didn't have or could not control? And well, it was well said that we keep focusing on what we limit ourselves in having when actually we could provide more. :)

Baby. I just understood the kind of attraction, love and whatever that comes with it - i have for you. Maybe you don't get what i mean.

I lost the game.

"Clouds weaved like cross stitches, grey and white across the sky

people walking, watching. I feel the droplets on my skin

I lived in misery, for that was what i limit my vision to be

until i found the sunlight that shone through

the kind of answer that i awaited

perhaps there wasn't an answer to began with

It was foolishness i believed; i have to hold on."

i have to go. kiki;

Walkways.

2011-05-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

That morning was filled with anxiousness and the parade ended with excitement. Confetti and sparks was what left there, behind.

we sorta misused our pass and gotten passes and free rides. I'm feeling that we were entitled to, so it wasn't misused rather.

Afterwards was vetting. Goodman Centre. Seriously there is still much i have not been to in Singapore. Holidays will you come soon, i really miss you! :)

My current morning is dawning with voices, and many clicks. But i'm smiling. Because this morning an image set infront of me. Where morning light seeps through the grey clouds and nobody is watching. :)

I like times when i drift off alone. It may have been a lonely moment. But sometimes it is where i don't speak. I don't act. Where i disappear. Just seeming don't exist.

Woots~*

Striving under the moon light.

2011-05-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

I will leave parade matters for the day to come, meanwhile i will just speed post about what i have.

Toodie! :)

Gonna give Prive and Hatched a try. Super tempting menus and im salivating at midnight. How could you! Prices are as steep as it is, trying to settle for some so that i don't order food i'd regret. :) weeee. :) Imma need to earn money and save money so that i can indulge in this like monthly... or perhaps every two weeks. Omg. Piggy! :p

School's tomorrow. Gonna be a long day. Gonna pack lunch i guess. :) see ya! :)

Love's.

I wonder if you knew i'm still here for you. I wonder if you ever realize i have never stop hoping that we'd be as close again.

If you were here. I will never forget.

To you. I suppose you had never loved me deep enough before. How much i gave was more than anything i had. You misused it like another picture in your gallery. I might never find comfort in realizing the folly of my behavior, but instead in the lifetime think twice in listening comments.

Set on Rock n' Roll.

2011-05-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little down, perplex even.

And most importantly i'm tired, tired like fisherman casting nets into the sea. Just wanna ignore everything i see.

It's tiring to keep track of things, tired to take caution, strenuous to be considerate and tedious to do everything right.

It's like a black hole in the heart and mind, was dormant and now awake. Surging power from your holds. Waiting for everything to fold.

Second day of school despite today a thursday. Having E-learning for modules that were supposed to.

Ignoring deadlines whilst trying to be more efficient. How's mentos gonna win! :)

Rehearsals at USS was really tiring. Yet, i have much fun too. I thank my partner, and random people also the performers stage people for making the dreading re-runs so much better. :)

Thank you everyone!

It is the first time i am performing in a parade, really inexperience; I'm happy for the opportunity but felt so that it is really tough on us.

I now see and understand how the paraders actually feel.

Have been heading home really late due to the distance and rehearsal.

I'm addicted to movies, craves for coffee and nibbles on sweet.

Right.

:) Okay. I missing a whole lot of peeps also. OKAY I NEED THERAPY NOW. :)

THERAPY. :)

BYEBYE. :)

Appearances

2011-05-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Smile like a little girl down at the stream.

Chuckle like the wind.

Sway and move as gently as the trees.

Soft as sand; sail in the seas.

I ate and ate and binged like a pig.

LOL.

FAT FAT liao.

Alright. USS Grand opening coming out. Supposed to not talk about costume and all. but i hope to take a few pictures here and there. :) Anyway, I wanted to lose weight but i kept binging recently perhaps of bad mood, perhaps tiredness/boredom/ lack of sleep. I really have no idea.

haha. Naughty me.

Some times i feel that certain things happen not because i wanted to, but the consequences of my own actions. And some times i pray to God to understand the things he had directed my life to.
But some times perhaps i have been not attentive enough to listen.

Some times i ought to stay down a little. I feel. But the non-existence feeling like i always have thought is the best for me some times. Is starting. There were days where i think about if i died what consequences will there be.

Will i be forgotten? Will people talk about me? if so how? and what incidents will they relate me to? hahah. I Should stop thinking about it already.

FAT FAT SUIE. GOTTA GO FOR REHEARSALS ALREADY. FEELIG GUILTYYYYYYYYY. NEED TO WORK OUT MORE. GG. :I

Leaving. :)

Controversies

2011-05-22T04:09:00.000-07:00

Tell me what's the point of me doing anyting at all. Its a dispute between brains and brawns. Sheesh.

Justin timberlake - i've been traveling on this road too long.

I want to find a way back to how it was.

Haha. I really have no longer an estimate or where to start nor stop.

I was born a crazy kid.

Since some point you have to decide which to think about first.

Its raining. And sometimes thats how you feel when silence over took the anguish of destruction. Afterwards you see the rainbow, which is the beauty that remains. These reminds me of my friend. She's one that has many reasons to ruin or blame things. She didn't. Looking at her you almost see she has not much grudges for things she has or not in life. And looking at her she's almost that naive, innocent and lovely. She's a smart girl, a girl who could have took lead with the devil but she didn't. She won the battle and she's that girl that gives the brightest smile from within, that cheerful girl whom will always hear you out when you need, give and share freely almost, and has happiness from within, one that she creates and mapped herself. I have much respect. Really. 'Cause in the same perspective, you wished this attitude dawns you.

i have to sleep.

bye

There's something that ran across and never came back.

2011-05-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

Some times mind goes to a sudden blank state.

Some times in a good way.

Saturday falls on the 14th may. Some how the day passed as how it is.

Days, dates can perhaps mean nothing to people, or something. Interesting?

You might never know, perhaps today's the day where the lady just signed divorce papers with her husband. And you were just mean to her moments. But you never knew, and he thought she was being mean for being upset so easily for banging and stepping her.

Just a thought.

Thinking of venturing into different dance styles. School's tomorrow. I suppose using the new studio. :) a little excited. :)

I'm a little over stressed by things here and there, after today's suntanning trip, i decided to be more confident of myself. And after today's rehearsal and costume fitting i really think i should lose weight. -.-

And i decided that relationships such as love between me and a guy, i should take it casual. Not in a sense like how you think it would be. But more like, if we are interested in each other, then just let it be. And not that we have to be hooked/deadly committed to one another. So there won't be heart breaks or whatsoever. And until when time is ready, and when i meet the guy that i would take risk for, then it might be the time that i am prepared for. :)

I really hope that God my Lord will see me through this. :)

:) and now what's important is to do what's right in my life. For studies, school, life and DANCE. :) and of course, some other things like, SPORTS FRIENDS HOBBIES INTERESTS FOOD TANNING.. WHATEVER IT IS. CRAFTS PHOTOGRAPHYYYYYY. :)

Ate too much chocolates for my own good when im having sorethroat. What was i thinking.

:) woots. People please be supportive of my determination to lose weight. Like if i eat something you can always do your part and do something. :)

leaving.

p/s: you never knew.

I'm feeling sophisticated.

2011-05-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

Please judge.

:) You never know the truth.

Went out with golden boy today. I'm feeling a little nervous like, perhaps because its been a while since we saw each other.

I feel under dressed under my white blouse and blue shorts. Dressed in grey(s), pleat and shoes, he walked over while on the phone with me. He did he's hair. Walked over to Grab my milk tea before walking around aimlessly and catching up. Sales everywhere making me want to spend that cash. Caught some funny moments here and there, some debates & ended with a prata meal before splitting. He's nice enough to send me. I mean, i could think in a way that it might be faster for him to take bus home via that station, but perhaps perhaps.

"At that very moment he turned and gave me that smile, a smile that will leave etched to my mind, one that would certainly make me miss him until he is back again. He made sure of that."

Certainly.

Whilst that is that.

I need to lose weight. LIKE MAJOR.

leaving, school's tmr. Wat to do. -.-

Just how it is.

2011-05-02T09:22:00.001-07:00

Forwarded love

2011-05-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

Guess i spent most of my days running here and there.

Been falling sick again and feeling oh so lethargic. Gotta keep reminding myself to do this and that.

Keep having lists of things to do and forgot where i place them again.

Aish.

Been catching up on series of dramas, not so much on variety shows yet. Oh no. What to do. I really gotta start concentrating on my studies. Last year.

This feels weird ob my lips because wondrously i have nothing that i would say worthed remembering? yet it was where i learnt and applied my biggest lessons of all. Perhaps it has allowed me to mature the way i should have/ought.

Is it time for me already? Someone gotta teach how to be devious without guilt and kind hearted without regrets at the same time.

Drama time. :)

Before i leave it out. SCHOOL's really boring. So i rather i not talk about. :) byebye!

Love suie!

p/s: why hadn't you come earlier. But even then you're someone i ... can't be with.

What will you miss of him when he dies?

2011-04-28T23:18:00.000-07:00

I wonder if the feeling of non-existence the moment before dying. If so just let me call one person before i do.

Someone told me i shouldn't be always leaving these words hanging around my lips. I'd be tempting fate.

The things that could come to my mind were simple, probative and ridiculous but i think it makes sense. i Have no chance in making sense of what i deem sometimes.

Anyway. If i were to die. please let me assign my assets first.

Im a demanding girl. I demand to be remembered even if i were to leave. :) The only way is to leave something behind.

Just like senthil. Only if when there isn't hair on heads of everyone then i might have forgotten him.

I sounded so super negative. Going off.

By the way snacking and crying really does make someone feels better.

Speechless on the first night

2011-04-27T09:10:00.001-07:00

You make me worry.

You make me hesitate.

You change me. You were new.

Perhaps it is the different worlds we come from.

Perhaps the differ in social class.

Perhaps we lived differently.

Until now.

I have no idea how we met.

I have no idea how we got close.

How we drifted. How we came back together.

You got me confused.

You made me doubtful.

You had me everywhere but here. You led me nowhere but your heart.

Countless time we walked side by side.

Third time in the dark, side by side.

In the dark i couldn't see, just your face, your whisper & the smiles you give.

I couldn't remember the number of times it was, the umpteenth time you made me speechless;

You made me nervous. You made me anxious.

The umpteenth you laughed to yourself, you talked about things, and rattled on.

Sometimes i wonder how wrong it would be, the name of ridicule. The number of people that disagrees.

Sometimes i wonder if it was me, that strong-headed girl, who insist.

And yet it wasn't something i could agree, i could convince, and it wasn't even logical to began with.

It was in the name of love, lived by fantasy and sugar and spice to go with it.

Am i not making any sense or what? :)

Love suie.

What about love.

2011-04-24T18:32:00.000-07:00

1. Picture of the day, fav. too.

2. Hammie finally looked up to take a shot without saying: "hurhs why look up again, i cannot.."

3. Fav. Girl in class.

School starts, second week and the class's still the same. Really thought so that awkwardness would last more than a week but yeah, turns out putting off blogging works. Can't believe how much thought i put into it even though it don't really worth so much as much as i think about it in the end. Should i even comment much here?

What to do. Anyway, talking about my week. Been heading for dance and sports, aching all over. Hyping over some kiddish drama that my mum claims it's not going to happen real life, which was quite true. But a little fantasy wouldn't kill hurh.

Spent the weekends, catching up.

Sentosa trip with Mag, Ana, golden boy and Enni. Was really addicted in wrestling people into the waters. Super epic scene when some group swing some girl in the sea and she landed on the sand instead of the waters. Laughed like mad. Old chang kee for dinner and awesome desserts at Vivo. :) TEEHEE. Thanks to Golden boy. :)

Went over to strictly pancakes and wild honey. I expected better though, Wild honey was relatively good, but it was a little pricey on the side. The four dollar cookie was really not that worthed. Had fun with M, really missed her in china. :(

I suppose i would not want to go back to strictly pancakes. REALLY NOT WORTH THE MONEY. 17 bucks. BREAKFAST AT FOOD FOR THOUGHT IS SO MUCH WORTHED IT! :(

AWW. I am missing food for thought terribly. :(

Sighs, blogging in class. Not a good sign. wonder if it is on purpose for me. ;)

love suie. :)

A day went by.

2011-04-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

Splatters on the floor.

Of blood, of petals, and smores.

Chocolate, honey and red white mix.

Today was a long day out for me. Was really tired at the end of the day, but it went well so i am really glad. ;) Had to shower immediate, feeling damn sweaty walking the whole day. Despite so, I gained two kg. And weigh at a terrible 57 now. Damn. :(

I need to lose substantial weight. Jia yous. ;)

I want pretty me, pretty clothes. I want a new me, i want my family and friends. I need to grow spiritually, i need my LORD, My god. :) I need the things i need, and need not desire for those i do not need to have. :)

I Have to grow up and at the same time not to lose my faith, hope nor dreams. :)

For all the things that are worthed, are the things that i lived for.

Negativity gets me down, but thats the period where i stand up and strong again. :) Everything has it's sides and perspective and i hope everyone can see it some times, how i do. :) some times. :)

Love, suie. ;)

Hi.

2011-04-16T06:36:00.000-07:00

Looking across the streets, everywhere is nothing but stereotyped sh!t.

Looking back, i see my phone ringing, i hate that screen i wouldn't pick it.

Looking at me, i see myself. I hated myself. I loved everyone else.

Looked else where, i see sorrows and fears, i wiped my sweat and tears. They all taste the same, bitter and pain.

I think once again, i thought twice more. I ponder thrice, but what i didn't realize was.

I lost myself, for the years that pass, the days that were gone, and the moments to come.

A lazy day at home. Baked some lava cakes. Sorta turned into chocolate cakes.

Tasted lovely so no complains at all. I want to make some cookies, any volunteers?

Hate is a destructive thing, an obstacle to love.

True?

If you lay awake at night, i wonder was it your conscientious biting in your heart.

2011-04-13T20:19:00.000-07:00

Big bang - Tonight. :)

Some times i felt so that existence was pointless. If you live like an angel, you see people of familiar faces walking by, but they don't recognize you nor remember you anymore. Just like you didn't exist at all. When you don't feel like existing, isn't same like dying.

Somehow now i really don't have the right attitude to do anything formal, anything that proper. And relations just drive me crazy.

Well, most of the times i really can't understand my lovers. And i can't understand the people i admire. Really. Feelings like that gets my confused like storms that struck me.

I effing sometimes don't understand what i talk about too. And how could i make someone understand what i am talking about. I am bewildered. Yeah, i think the feeling that i am feeling considering right now, is bewilderment.

I prolly shouldn't keep talking stuffs like that, Makes my whole day weird. Makes everyone who comes to my blog bored.

Perhaps i shouldn't share too much. Perhaps i shouldn't cared too much.

I have not an idea.

Anyway, i am back to Singapore.

Five weeks in China. Not sure if i should call it a horrific one. Yeah. Horrific. Talk about oxymoron.

Give something. I need to dance. I need to be free. I don't want to be affected by you, when all you wanted was to fit in. And all you did, was to make use of me. I don't understand why should i trouble myself for you when all along i guess so that it was because they said so.

Really i shouldn't care. Really i am utterly speechless by the amount of effort you can give, the amount of shame you can carry, just to fit in.

If i were wrong to judge you this way in any point of time in the future, Then i was right because if you think it was about you, and you fit these words, then prolly i was right this time. :)

Leaving. :)

Let's sing.

2011-04-07T08:46:00.000-07:00

In tears of joys,

at the moments of truths,

In between you and me, you had to choose,

To be alive, to learn and fly,

To be in love, the tears and joy.

To live, to learn, to love, to fly.

What's happiness, when it is contentment then satisfaction?

Excuse me lil', But i had to leave.

- kiki.

Says who.

2011-04-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

Would you rather be here, or there?

I really got to hand it to those that does according to ow they feel at the particular moment and has the courage to bear whatever happens next. And due respect to those that knows how and what to react to whatever that has happen to them. Some of us just get dumbfounded. Some of us just replied the wrong way.

Going to attend a fruit arrangement competition later. Am i going to join? LOL. For the fun of it, i am tempted. hahaha. I suppose i am missing everyone now. Damn it. Like what would they comment again, knowing me doing such things again. I love their smiles and agreement. I miss their laughters and time together. Gawd.

In an hour's time to the competition.

Amusing.

2011-04-04T04:11:00.000-07:00

If there is a chance. I want to be back with you again.

I want to be the one with you, talking for hours, crying together.

I want to be the one who knows. Who cares and understands, who continues the every second of the moment and your words.

I really hate myself some times. I really wonder why. Why did you let go. Why did i let it happen to.

If there is one way for us to be back again i want to try. I'd give it a shot.

But looking at you now makes my heart ache.

Looking at you now, makes my heart wane.

I feel horrible to know that some one whom knows me so well. Who makes me so comfortable. To be not the person i was to him.

There is this desire. But i shouldn't speak more.

I should always read he's blog before blogging. A solance from afar. A condolence of comfort even just by he's words.

I needed him. But i let it all out. too much.

- suie.

690th.

2011-04-04T03:20:00.000-07:00

I feel highly disgusted of myself. I abhor it. Perhaps too strong a word to use.

Suddenly, my world becomes dimmer. I am tired. Listless. Weary. I don't know why and how.

Sometimes optimistic strikes me, positive thoughts like.

I know why my best friends would care, because we love one and other, we belong to part of each other's life, that's why we are concerned, we truely care, and we know/understand/compromise/embrace the other.

And sometimes, i contradict myself like; to die is the easiest way humans take, because they rid of their responsibilities by doing so. The easiest way to escape without bearing the consequences, except of death towards oneself. Well, which i won't. Heaven forbids.

Some times i count myself lucky still. Looking at the beauty that still remains. But sometimes i can't bear to not look back to see how blissful i was then. I wonder what happened. Bonds, friends, changes, smiles, laughters, tears the times together. People have photographic memory, they just forgot the films. Quoted from tumblr. :)

I don't understand how somehow that people also does judgments. And it's a positive social endowment. Weird? I really have no idea what's going to be like, if i am going to alter myself further. Living in such pain where hiding and being extrovert isn't a choice anymore.

Some times i wonder if i ever existed. When i speak, no one cares of. They hardly heard it. Their ears shut by it. People could repeat my words, and didn't know they did. I really thought i was invisible then. Keeping silence would save much. Yeah, i prolly shouldn't waste much. The wanting and the effort to be noticed. Is too tedious. I am really lazy.

I should just stick to being aloof. Perhaps not. Perhaps i should stop caring too much, and that means an alteration to myself again.

I speak of shallowness now.

Damn.

If one day i disintegrate. Who will be the one placing soft toys at my grave, sending postcards to me card-boxes, and wearing my bangles thinking of me?

Signing off -suie.

Total disorientation

2011-03-22T01:16:00.000-07:00

If some one makes me smile, i will be delighted to give someone a kiss.

Because a reason to smile is all i need.

I should smile because i am alive.

I should smile because....

I should smile, and there is prolly a thousand and one reason for me to.

But then again why ain't i smiling.

Lord. I am on another line of desperation. It is like, i am ruined and gone. But somehow i am still existing, trying to catch up with this pathetically. What should i ought to do.

2011-03-21T01:40:00.000-07:00

Some times i need someone right here. A Listening ear. Some times i felt so alone, nobody knows. And when i tell my best friend about it, it doesnt matter because it's life, its mine, not hers.

I don't understand. Fuck all this.

I am really really contradicting. Ironic.

Whatever. Some times, you know, dying is so easy, so much easier. But you got through the things you would miss if you die, but then again, you can't miss anything when you are dead, right?

Alright writing these is like condemning myself. what should i do. FUCK.

Sometimes you crave and desire for something.

2011-03-08T02:14:00.002-08:00

Sometimes i hope there i have/had a boyfriend to keep me in check.

Sometimes you hope to have some one to hold. Not like girlfriends kind. But some one.

Some times you wished there weren't moments you have to bother if you are boring someone.

And some times you wished that you could act/speak freely and the person can just say you look beautiful the way you are.

Sweet talks, honeyed words. What are they, and true felt moments, are they too?

Some times i really don't know what i want. And i forgot what i could give. My body and spirit so broken, only god can mend. But if God gave us someone to hole whilst we are here, where's my someone and when will someone be here.

when i am gone and over.

2011-02-26T01:37:00.000-08:00

There there. I am getting impatient over the trip to china. Part of me really wanna go there, and part of me actually felt foolish and rash in signing up to go. These days i have been quite hyped about photography, just a noobie, an amateur, trying to get some pictures shot without reading the manual.

LOL, okay only about three quarts true. I would read the manual. Anyway, my eyes are getting super tired, due to excessive usage of lappy and like watching tv/ less sleep. I actually aimed to sleep at twelve, but it always didn't quite work. :) tata.

Okay, i have been planning what i can do over at china. Other than the school work/homework/traveling-sightseeing-exploring i had to do.

a. Skipping

b. swimming

c. Jogging [But it's a little cold yeah?]

d. Disturb my room mate. [Guaranteed.]

e. Mat exercises

f. Dance [DUH.]

g. Watch movies/shows/repeat tv.

h. Photography

i. make new friends [But i am not social]

j. Facebook [I prolly die of boredom]

k. cook [There's not kitchen]

l. shopping [?]

m. I-touch [Bringing!]

n. Eat [Nt a very awesome idea.]

o. Youtube [You have got something to search first]

p. Editorials. [:)]

q. makeup [No]

r. disturb room mate [Best idea]

s. disturb room mate [She's fierce]

t. read books/bring bible [i can't possibly bring the whole library] - kidding but 30 books?!

u. puzzle books [not bad]

v. fiddle with pictures [:)]

w. blogging/journals [its' homework]

x. call home [every night]

y. stare into space. Jump around, go crazy/mad.

z. sleep. [highly]

That's prolly about it. Okay, at least i settled most of the nights. :) that's good.

Today i didn't really study much. I am really lazy, and prolly cant really study at home and procrastinate. Dearies.

Okay, watch another movie today, going to watch another. :) woopie weee. perhaps shall head to ep to settle laundry first. byebye. :)

Darlie love

2011-02-25T11:38:00.000-08:00

I caught two movies today myself, at home. :)

At an unearthly hour.

:) will post at the end of the day, second post. i'll be. :)

Dreaming chocolates, calafare.

2011-02-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

Wanted to post some picture up here, beautifies the post. I am really craving for pasta. Even though i am prolly not hungry at all.

I seriously don't know how to start this. Neither do i know what to do. When all's lost, i find that the pawns left wasn't much. How can i protect my heart, when my queen and first row's general isn't beside. If life is all black and white, and we didn't had to fight. We'd be playing checkers, checking ourselves in place.

Einer nach dem anderen, verlassen sie mich, Spuren zu hinterlassen - wieErinnerungen. Einer nach dem anderen verließen sie mich, Alles was noch übrig warenihre Lachen, ihre Tränen, unsere Erinnerungen. Einer nach dem anderen, ich erinnere mich, ich vermisse, ich begehre. Ich weinen, ich weinte, ich rief. Einer nach dem anderen. Einer nach dem anderen, verliere ich sie, verlor ich sie, sie war mir egal. Undeiner nach dem anderen, sie kamen, kamen sie zurück, um Blumen auf mein Grabgestellt.

:) - There is always this time you dream of, dreamt of, and nothing matters more.

byebye.

There can never be a moment more, or a moment less when i'm with you

2011-02-23T10:14:00.000-08:00

Hey, There there. Up here i have a few pictures. Felt so that i haven been that diligent in uploading and posting pictures anymore. This two are my classmates in poly. And most of them were heading to seoul garden which i didn't. I have no idea if it was a good thing or not. But i suppose it was. Anyway, my days were getting more slow paced, i guess due to the lack of activities i lay myself up for.

Well, nowadays i really haven got the mood or back on the track to entertain or make effort to socialize. Prolly would just hear me rant all day and talk about usual stuffs. I just told some one that i like him. Wasn't all that serious and he freaked out. Hilarious. These things amuses me. Of course i would not want to lose a friend because of this, but if it happens. It's really funny. Am i mad? But really. *laughs~*

Yes, that's me.

Went for a short CNY visiting, There were tons of pictures, but of course i didn't took them. Either way. Really loved being with them. An urge of sadness, don't ask me why.
did i tell you about my sister? Yeah, the one on the left. :) she's really cute. And i really love her, but some times family members are the ones you feel like choking most. ;)

Surprisingly she's the one that known me the longest. :) weird.

Alright. All the nonsense aside. Have been out for the whole day. Had to settle things and run errands. Swan like seven laps and ate porridge at pastamania. Weird right ? :)

I really heart boys with small eyes, and like wide thin smile. Kill me.

craving for coffee. And really maxed tired. Please let me sleep till the sun goes down. ;) hahaha. Not really that much, perhaps three? :) lala. I need to play with my cameras again. Heading to china soon. Hopefully i can really take good quality and quantity of pictures. Like, a month plus of worthy pictures. ;) awesome. :)

Alrights. Have to go already. :) byebye.

Ending.

I don't know what to do about you, until God sends my love for me.

Memorables.

2011-02-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

I think about love and then the other way.

If to live, to choose to live, to want to live, you don't have much choices right?

Anyway, i am probably going to stop blogging for awhile> Like i really have to sort my feelings, but something tells me that only blogging and writing journals actually made me thought better because all the complicated feelings are diverted.

Perhaps i just need some time alone. Perhaps God gave me this trial and opportunity to go china for a month for more, which i'd prolly get much stuffs cleared.

Honestly, i am missing a lot of things, i can't explain it, and i don't know why. I know i miss God and i know i need to save souls. Maybe China Trip wouldn't be that bad. :)

Got a lot to prepare. A bagguage of feelings, to come back differently, to meet every day like i had never before. Can i do it?

Yes. I think so. If there is anything to change about, i will be the change and then change the world.

so then.

- kikikillslala.wordpress.com

Getting all nerdy.

2011-02-16T20:25:00.000-08:00

Well you have it.

I am a little sloppish in my works recently, especially presentation. I know not of anything such as like socially with other people. I generally categorize them as entertaining.

I have a thousand of reasons, explanations and prolly a dose of excuses to give you a description of what i have and the situation i am in now.

I over emphasize things. I ask stoopid questions. I really think every one is good natured.

Things like that makes me happy for awhile, regretful next and then i get over it. Simple.

I really need a good cup of milo, before i can start work. Gosh.. and it is about three to seven hours before i have to complete my entire work and i am right here facebooking and like dreaming of my cup of milo. Dearest hun. Please wake up already. I feel so fat. I need to lose weight. I prolly said that like a hundred and twelve times but i am not doing anything right yet. O come one, be hard working already (and working smart).

Sh!t.

Leaving, Suie.

Are we connect.

2011-02-14T06:20:00.000-08:00

I am really sleepy right now, but before my dinner even gets digested i suppose i shouldn't knock out at this instance yet.

Recently, judgement has been bad for me. Making poor judgement of things and negativity getting me. I know i shouldn't but i broke down today. And i do not expect cares for me, even though at times as human, basically you crave for some. I might have sound a little desperate but honestly is is just being frustrated with myself.

It is true that i am a litle weird and quirky. Basically amounts to madness. True enough i am sort of copin gwell, but who knows the world might holly come out with a label 'Intelligience madness' And then, IMH part two.

Believe it or not, some day everyone's going to die but not everyone lives.

True enough things have changed, and like i realized it today. It was weird and all because two years back there will be joy on the table and that, the day will be spent with my friends/mates. It is like a thing we do routinal. But i guess nowadays people don't really fancy such things. Anyway, i took the initiative and did val's card for my classmates. I ain't sure if i made any last year but do hope it strucks their heart. ;)

Before i forget any, i haven mentioned quite about my House visitings. Been to michelle's and cassandra's only. It was fun, like a break once in awhile. Was really tired, but i really had quite a laugh. Sadly, i feel very much dettached. I do not know if it is just me getting emotional, or for the fact that, it has been really long not seeing them, and that i really have not had a good communications with people. Perhaps i am just tired. I feel like giving up. Everything. But i know i would deny and regret the fire and passion that i once had. The kind of spirit and sillyness that people smile and wished they had it once in awhile. I hope to be the reason people smile when they are down, not because i am such narcissm. Just because at least u know they will smile because of this.

Alright i really have some tired nerves. :(

Goign off. :) Byebye.

yeah. I know.

2011-02-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight. The feeling of being with your friends. I am exhilarated.

But i feel detached. I feel as though i am a ghost with them. I could say light-hearted when i am with them. I laughed.

I am exhausted and like i've mentioned it countless.

Being in the hospital don't make you feel good. And like in and out. Being in the clinic makes you sick, but nearing in meeting the doctor your body feels better. I think it's all in the mind. Because i really dislike visiting doctors, for they often build this kind of judgement/analysis. Which i know it's their job. but i still do not like it. Prefer not to.

I really can't remember how much i've posted and how far. Lost track. I am dying under the pressure and stress from all corners. The only escape i have is actually to the point where my mind could not think of anything else and blank out. To think that's the thing you want least during exam.

Alright. Stopping here. :)

If you are free.

http://www.wattpad.com/1006205-prologue-it-'s-private

love.

Who would be the one, when the day comes as i fall.

2011-02-08T10:35:00.000-08:00

I am a little exhaust and lethargic to think or a proper title. Yet i have a slight smile put on my face. This is when no one should step on my toes, because i might just keep my sentences (If i spoke) short and sharp. So you get the drift. I probably ought to continue the research that is due later on at about 1030 am, yet surely i am procrastinating due to certain things.

I am really some one who can't seem to not stretch myself so thin that if i am not careful, i might just snap. And some times i almost had the hope that i die. Too bad, Suicidal thoughts were and are never my thing. Perhaps some day, but never in the past nor now.

I wonder. If i am gone. Will things be better for some people? If i am gone, and it leads to realization, perhaps its a fair trade-off. But why am i even on this thought.

If it is devil hitting on me, i would say too bad. Because how attractive it may sound, i will not suicide. But maybe doing things that are detrimental to my health is already part of it. *laughs~*.

Seriously not on purpose. ;)

I should probably touch on Lunar year celebrations, yet maybe not. :)

I am semi craving for Ribena in the morning. I have to log off blogger before i get too far fetched. :)

Whatever. :)

-kikikillslala.

dance delights

2011-02-04T10:57:00.000-08:00

Mingle in the fats, the muscles grow.

muscles burn, muscles go.

Tell me how you feel.

2011-01-24T04:53:00.001-08:00

Fun-fact: Selective remembering.

Mimosa.

2011-01-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

Shucks. Like a sudden interruptance. I forgotten all that anger.

It's almost like, twick. Something snap. And then you lose it all.

Sometimes i am a little plain incoherant. Even others could tell. The time where, i am not angry actually. But it is because my heart flutters, i panic. Because i couldn't make it right.

Yeah. Just like that.

Sometimes i wonder if that authistic side of me wiped away. And other times, whether if it is overwhelming me.

I am very afraid. Afraid of so much things. Not the things that people normally are afraid of. But more like, i am afraid of stares.

Yeah. Something along that line.

That's it. I just crossed the line. I am bonkers. I am joining the world. The fake fake fake fake fake and superficial.

How can i judge. But i just did. I feel like killing myself. If the three years back me saw me, i would say: "It's okay, it won't be" ".Just smile."

If five years back, the me saw me today, that girl would say: "Don't be so pessimestic, don't get down. It isn't that negative. Believe me."

If ten years back that little girl saw me today, it goes: "Are you okay? You can cry with me, you can lean on me."

I wonder what went wrong.

I would like to end my every post with a fact about me, that i think some may know, or not know at all. So at least when i die someone knows. Or when one day i have become someone i totally don't know, or perhaps it was the me afterall, i can look back and see how it was in the past. Rather then just holding on the memory, there's the edvidence.

I will start with something easy.

Loves suie.

P/s: I have Short-termed memory. :)

Random highway.

2011-01-18T07:48:00.000-08:00

'If being alone mean this a way, perhaps i have always been.' - suie

I am being mean. Perhaps not again, but rather stayed the same as i've changed.

Simple sentences i no longer hear. But ramblings actually goes into my ear.

-Perhaps i would contradict myself upon the things i believed. Till the day i die, living in realistically whilst believing and dreaming fantasies and mythologies.

Things i see every day, like the secrets i hear now and then;

Analogies, ethologies;

Literal seems much more simpler to me.

Tell me. How can most of the things be figurative, when we are taught of it literally.

I used to complain. Even now.

I used not to rant. But i do now.

I used to not miss. And now i remember.

I used to not bother. But i look at me now.

I am highly reactive to things about me. I am highly irritable. I used not to be. Oh. Take a look at me now. I can't remember what happen. Only when something fell. Or when i hear a song playing to how i am feeling, or when i actually listen to someone so dear.

I suppose i am about to stick to certain things.

More committed to God.

I will be very honest.

I want to not keep secrets.

So if you have any secrets, perhaps you don't want to tell me. (Unless you suppose you trust me enough and that no one is going to ask me about it. It's your choice.)

I am going to be oblivious to most comments; when they are not constructive, not beneficial, and worthless in my context.

I guess i am going to have a difficult time trying to get used to all that. Except for being committed to God. :) Because for this i will TRY MY BEST. :) Like listen to at least one Christian song a day. Ready at least a line/paragraph of the bible. :)

Word of the day: Metaphorical.

i am to leave the page and take a shower. Like now. :)

Suie.Kiki.

P/s: Perhaps you would detest me. Perhaps you would then be cross. But the truth is i am to say it in your face. Whatever it is. Literally. And do you notice, two of my sentences are actually figurative. Go figure.

Puffy fat clouds sigh.

2011-01-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

mi mala muachacha. ;)

Since i am playing some games on facebook, why not update my page for awhile.

Two days back; was having a dinner/reunion with my friends. I wouldn't say ex-classmates even though it seems so, don't like the sound of it.

Anyhow, being with them makes me another persona. It's like putting up with another mask. Strange, because i rarely have any mask to began with.

The ambiance at NSRCC was certainly good, but the food wasn't even a quarter to it. I talk as though i can cook better, but i am no better. But still i enjoyed the time with them, even though i was really in a sleepy mode/bored mode. Too much sugar this week and lack of exercise. Excuses.

Homework and assignments piling but i am strongly procrastinating. Seriously. I am getting sick of having to do so much school work. But i haven even done any/much. So i ought to get my brain to start concentrating/focusing.

Movie and dinner with Yang, fy and D. strange combination, but it is how i am. Later on met crystal before heading back to my place for after dinner snacks and game of monopoly. :)

Random things and laughters filled the day.

Feeling awfully irritated with myself. I got to get my self efficient working again.

I've got to learn how to be firm. But that also refers to "look someone is being negative and i am not going to help them, because it is none of my business and i will end up getting hurt with the person, so why not i live my life and let the person live his/hers with a sourness towards everyone and everything."

Sigh. What to do.

Teach me. Loves suie.

P/s: I really hate guys that have no balls at all.

Danzation - 2011

2011-01-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

'To dance everywhere and anywhere, as long there is music' - Massura.

Danzation. Say, it is not a must that one has to instantly have something to say or learnt over the process/period of something. But honestly, there is.

In dance, it is indeed pure. But in the dance industry there is much to consider. Such as of politics, and the need of freedom, the 'social classes', the critics, and so much more.

But of course, dancers are always free. We are free to dance because that is how we are, what we are and who we are. We express our individuality, our emotions and so much more. When we have audience we perform with joy, because we are generally show casing what we love. And the best part is here, skipping all the usual and boring but needed thingy, is that, when we are on the stage performing we are all equal.

As simple as that. Any indifference, was then equal, any indifference was then put away. Because we are there to work together, to show case the same thing that we love, and to perform. No matter what was going on, no matter what happened, was forgotten in that moment, because all we had then was to work together, to do our best, to perform, to convey whatever it is to the audience.

Simple. Just like that.

Danzation has been a valuable experience and memory to me. I shan't say anything else of it, except it has been really awesome and successful. And i want to thank two person that has been so supportive of me all the time even though they weren't part of it;

My sister and my best friend. :)

Cheers! :)

p.s: time for assignments and projects. Sh!t!

Baking up a storm.

2011-01-05T02:07:00.000-08:00

I really have no idea about what's going on these days. Well, maybe that's a blatant lie.

Somehow all the while i have been really mean. It's just that i don't see it, and people don't remember the other side. Well, that's a saying of the good always truimps the bad. (Though it isnt what it is suppose to mean.) Anyhow. Danzation is nearing. Like one and a half more days.

I am thinking or a long lasting break and sleep afterwards, but projects/assignments are falling in. I can't help but to blank out, and feel stressed.

Took a break off two days lessons. Perhaps on purpose, but i have valid Medical certificates for it. Allergies and fever. I wonder what other allergies i have except for lectin. That's surprising after so long.

If this is maturity.

time for bed and porridge. Tata.

Suie.

Conquer.

2011-01-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

I am getting funny isn't it.

Things around us were and actually are quite amusing. There are and were things you didn't see, you missed. You can't change the ending that has happened, but you can always start anew and have another ending. :)

School is as it is. Nothing much, since it's the start of the school. Talking about that, assignments are falling in, and teachers are already talking to us about FYP. Talk about how time flies. Anyhow, travelled all the way to bugis, grabbed stuffs and dance rehearsal.

Two days. It's getting on me. I need to buck up. I need strength from the above. God. Help me.

There is this feeling. Like. Cooping yourself in this camping tent, with your magic camping bag (Like hermione's). :)

suie.

p/s: Peter pan. It's like a dream. Why have you got to be a Peter pan.

Morning.

2010-12-31T17:15:00.000-08:00

Yepp. It's the first morning of the new year. A very bright morning sun we have.

Wondering why i could get up so early. Insomnia. Truthfully, in anywhere but then, i am not regretting time spent on the last day and the first moments/dawn of 2010/2011.

For every time of the year we would speak of it.There are certain things i want to do, certain resolutions to accomplish, just not yet going to post it. 91681399. There is a certain ring to it, but i don't remember why. Honestly, i just might. But seriously i am going to put it behind. Not that speaking about it makes me cry, but i do hope its a memory worth sharing in time. It's time i realize the true importance and mean of forgiveness. And certainly all that comes with it. This is something worthed in my diary, but somehow it's going to be up here without edition. Certainly worth waiting, what's going to happen when everyone is past the crazy prime. 18th that is. Having dance practice later but i am not going to tire. Even if i am to, i will persevere. :)

More than words; for the friends.

And very thankful for the family i have and the only God above watching my every day, every way, and my back.

Su.ie

p/s: Still as random i guess...

Fashion weight.

2010-12-29T21:43:00.000-08:00

Its Easy to navigate. Get distract.

Why am i doing this? Am i doing this because?

My sissy isn't feeling well, so am i. Gotta take more rest or train my stamina. Tiring myself seems a better idea to me. Forsaken.

I am being kinda random, having random dreams too. Feeling weird all over, perplexed even.

short post. Tata.

kiki.

Winter solstice.

2010-12-24T05:31:00.000-08:00

A celebration for the every end and start of the year. Because when something ends, is the mean of the starting of something else. ;)

Today's the eve of christmas. And if i were out there taking pictures, it wouldn't be words. Some times i so much want to like get a camera and take pictures of what i do and just post it up here. Or let say something interesting i've seen. So that i would not have to like type so much. Typical lazy of me.

Just finished my dinner, grabbed a bar of chocolate and started blogging, despite that i have much work to do for publicity. Well, whats's christmas without chocolates right! :) Feeling a little joyous and happy, even though i was disappointed with myself a little today. Or very much. Spent three quarts of the day at studio. Danzation full run. I should try all i can, to over come my barrier of being nervous. Grr. Went home feeling super hungry and had to lugged so much stuffs. Stuffed myself silly then, and super full now. :) Just met cheng to pass him he's box and pressie. :) Saw arran and Tan. :) I saw snow today too. Loads. Sprinkles of them. They werent in colors though [I do hope to see it one day]. Tonight, they were white. Pale transparentish.

Talking about winter and christmas. I would not miss any pre-christmas/christ mas gifts exchange. Had two recently, and received a diary book, bookmark, pens, mug, towel pets, and a set of monopoly deal.

Having to spend my eve and the day itself dancing. I might as well make it the whole day. :) Yeah, i know i could have done much more. But dancing is really something i want to do so much, and i believe the others too. :) The feeling of watching all dancers coming together, showcasing what we have put together, its really.. awesome. :) The feeling is immersingly fantantastic. I really love dancing like crazy. I would complain the tough times and boring times. But when the music is on and the feeling kicks in, unstoppable` :)

Alright i need to really really start on the publicity work. And checking of my mails. Else it'd be eating into my sleep time.MWAH.

Tata.

Luxx, Suie/kiki.

Nemesis - White dwarven

2010-12-18T04:13:00.000-08:00

For every time i looked at my page i stare and think of the things i could have said.

For every time i looked at post page, i stare blank and mute away.

Sigh. Perhaps when i want myself to stop thinking about, then i would come upon my post page and stare and blank-out. Perhaps.

Days were a little tiring, fun and contradicting. For the many reasons and some of those, i wouldn't reveal nor tell anyone so. Perhaps, just here or there alone. For there were many ways a human could tell another how things happen and why so.

I shall talk about to-day.

Could have slept more because the curtains weren't drawn. Had to drag myself up for project meeting. Which went better than i thought it would. Though There were some man's ego around.

Head over to Alcova with michelle shortly after saying good byes to teammates. Had a higher expectation on this flea market than the one at scape. But turns out, scape was better. I wonder is it Judaical. Because wherever the stone lady appears to be, the flea market where she is is good. haha. Met sister while hugged michelle goodbye. And went home after sissy explored the flea. Dinner was as awesome. And maybe thats the reason why i am like __. OH NO. :(

Anyhow, i am so glad that exams are over. And a dreading feeling of holidays are going to pass fast is haunting me. I need some freedom somewhere, but i've yet to repay some of my debts. Gotta be quick. Before the year ends and starts again. :)

Short post for now. ;) Brought a lot today. I hope i can keep somewhere i remember. :(

Loves suie.

P/s. It's not easy loving someone. Anyone. Including me.. Including you. My emotions are getting obvious. Were you playing a fool or do you really?

Lost of most directions and all of senses.

2010-12-09T06:26:00.001-08:00

Right. I have no idea what i was doing, allowing myself into self denial and delusional stages.

Like everyone is busying about. Yes, Common tests are around the corner, to some has already started but mine in less than a week. I don't know how should i comfort myself. Like, i haven started on a single thing, so should i just forget it. Or burn all the midnight oil to come and be a zombie at the examination hall. Both choices seems deathly.

I missed a whole lot of things this year. And truthfully i should blame none but him. But technically, it is my fault to began with. Weakling.

I really wonder how skeptical and cold i can get. I surprised myself.

[Rantings have been deleted.]

I should stop procrastinating. Like;

1. I say i want to lose weight but i am not doing anything.

2. I want to get good grades but i haven started anything and i can still be here blogging.

3. I want to be nicer to everyone but i am neglecting/skeptical/cold/mean/etc to most.

4. I say i wan tto save money but i am like planning for huge shopping trips.

Skippy.

I want to post much pictures but i cant find the friggin' memory card reader. I swear i am going nuts. any sooner. (back from treasure hunt)

yeah. I found it. But the camera is not here. -.-

Anyhow. I really hope that in the days to come, it would not get any colder. Cause days are already chilling my heart.

It's amazing some times how a cry baby like me can resist crying at times. Because i am so fragile within i cry at the slightest thing that matters in my heart. True enough i can be mean at times (or most) i do with a real heart. I guess the mousy me went away with 2009 and half of 2010. Perhaps this is what they meant by being 18. But anyhow, to most it might be a bad change to me. But perhaps i am still me, just that i've strengthen the outer shield of mine. It ought to be right, isn't it?

Just like some times you can't rationalize some things are right. :)

If crying settles everything, then i don't mind crying every other day.

Leaving this page. :)

Loves suie.

p/s: i am sorry. for everything i've done.

Scenes.

2010-11-19T23:20:00.000-08:00

Fuck Gastric.

Or maybe not. Because it's not fun at all.

Watching America's best dance crew. Inspiring only. ;)

Getting sick.

Tons of work.

Getting distracted.

More hard work.

Stop procrastinating.

Live love learn.

ending here. ;)

Suie. Oooh babe baby. ;)

Birthdays Bees.

2010-11-18T09:05:00.001-08:00

I really love this picture. ;) nice nice. :)

Sorta celebrated Cassandra's birthday with a dinner over at food for thought. Not the best place for salmon.

Met up with half the girls. It's been awhile since i saw them. Ah. Ngee Ann.

Ending.

Loves suie. ;)

P/s: i dreamt of a future with you, but it always seem unsure. Make me believe.

Drift drive dive dry. Weird contexts.

2010-11-14T18:17:00.000-08:00

There are days when i feel like hiding.

There are days when i feel like running.

There were also days where i feel emotional.

And days i get to those because of you.

I loved you.

I really really really loved you.

More than you can possibly be.

More than you thought any one around you can give.

Prolly less than your real family but more than a normal friend could give.

I was.

I think i must forgotten how nice it was.

How horrible it was.

How terrifying.

Disbelief.

Or maybe it's just because i accepted the flaws.

I took it the same.

I loved it all.

Aspiring. The only word that came to thought.

Talk about being random.

You could not have chosen a better time.

Chan su ie. Well done.

I think i should better leave. Before police come and catch me.

Suie.

Not exactly

2010-11-14T10:24:00.000-08:00

With all things aside.

Trying out this new net book, while awaiting for my fujitsu to be fixed.

Tough.

But it will get better. :)

Because everything is equal and lord will make it okay. :)

I know. ;) I trust. Must have faith. :)

Love suies.

Leaving. ;)

All of the lights are shooting stars across the skies.

2010-11-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

You do know what they mean right? Not all are the special ones, some are debris, left behind.

Sparks that flew, short, passionate, but fantastic.

Dreamlike.

“People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.”

— Meredith Grey; Grey’s Anatomy (via quoteswithlove)

Most of the time i think too much, and pondered well, so far. I wonder how many countless times i've said this and dismissed this. I really wonder.

It's like holding on to things people had forgotten or chose to, and things that people already let go.

School, School, School.

Terribly bored and yet packed with more school work.

But i am loving the mates. Even though it feel as though everything is different. EVen though it felt so that i am detached from most of them. But i will try my best to smile like crazy. I will attempt to stop minding/thinking too much. Life's too short for things like these, to think of what they think, to satisfy everyone or anyone. :) Well, except for the ones you love or putting a smile on everyone else. ;)

It is nice to have some one to watch your back. Like Got your back hun.

It is nice to have accompany, even though you don't mind being alone. Thats how when even you're not there your presence is. :)

It is nice that he doesn't walk the longer round in the mall just so two can spend more time together but because he knows you want to look at that window display even you are not going to buy it off.

Life's interesting, just so people would take a look, appreciate and be contented with what they are given but often forgotten, over-looked and never realized they had, and they stay low in their life, wanting to have something else to fill that hole within.

That's another interesting perspective hur? :)

Caught 'Unstoppable', 'Due date' & 'Megamind' within two days.

Terrific. Best out of the three - Mega-mind. Not that i am childish or what. But yeah. ;)

Love hanging out with those peeps even i know that i should stay home and study. Yelps. :)

Nothing like songs that gets me addicted and hyped.

Loving far east movement - G6.

White stripes. And white stripes remix with Pitbull - Gimme a bottle.

Long winded posts again! :)

You are so complicated. Argh.

I don't feel like doing my homework. So naughty only. -.-

Restless. But epic tired. But i never even do any thing much. Getting lazier. Not a good sign. -.-

Photography.Books.

Birthdays filling up. Another month going down.Another year of friendship. :)

okay, stopping here. Will blog soon.

Loves suie.

P/s: Some things are plainly intriguing.

Oh.

2010-11-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

" sometimes you just dun click with another person

no point trying so hard also

if they genuinely wan to be friends with you

it have to go both ways

Copied. Pasted. And posted from a friend of mine during our conversation on messenger. And i said that sometimes attraction is too strong to overcome and you just have to give it that shot.

I will really need to manage my time better.

Errands; assignments; birthdays. :)

But somehow recently even i have this stress i feel a kind of relief swept over me like sea waves and autumn wind. :) weeee. nice. :) But i need to really learn how to let go some things. haha i guess being so stubborn at times isn't a good thing too hur? :)

Joyful. Embrance. :)

Okay i need to sleep already; Byebye .

loves suie.

P/s: Some times things are simply unpredictable. Like yeah. :)

Mister Potato Crisps.

2010-11-05T04:31:00.000-07:00

Bubu!

Right. I have to get some spirit back.

It's time to ________ and be ___ again. I don't know. It may led to something like how it used to be. Or maybe i will just be that little me somewhere again. But recently i have been nowhere here or there but just nowhere.

I like the way the raindrops falls upon my skin; against my stride;

I like the way i plunge myself into the water. I like it when we dive.

I like the way i perspire and sweat rolls down from my forehead to my cheeks;

From my shoulders to my lower back;

From my thighs to calves.

i think i am falling sick. Falling apart. I guess to change you first have to come apart. I think.

I need to lose weight. I need to study hard. I need to be able to take care of myself.

And i need more commitment to God. :)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some times you think too much;

Some times so naive.

Some times you ran too fast;

without having to first stabilize the walk.

And some times you dreamt too wide;

You never realize the beautiful things beside.

Some times i just went astray, in things of these and thoughts of that. I really don't understand how humans do things like these and that. But maybe it's just me because some how it applies just as same to them of how they critic of me. Hmm. Or rather they just say what they assumed. Besides its our nature isn't it, to assume, assume and assume.

Else where's the scientist that makes the hypothesis? :)

Food for all. :)

Bye. ;)

loves suie. I have to lose weight.

P.s: I really need my white horsed prince now, so world please square up! :)

History.

2010-11-01T00:19:00.000-07:00

Time for some updates.

Currently in school; My mates are as usual.

School isn't so bad now, getting boring and projects coming in with time as limited. Oh dear.

House is in a little mess. At least we still have space to sleep. Internet connection is somehow down. Else its inconsistent. So it's kinda inconvenient.

Sprain my neck, pulled muscles on the shoulder blade and a little strained on the right side of my back. I really hope everything gets better, because time is getting tighter every moment spent.

Danzation is really a very big production, so anyone who is reading this; PLEASE GET YOUR TICKETS AND DEFINITELY DON'T MISS IT! :)

Okay la, support me awhile also good. :)

Next off: had to get something to do to get my mind off a bit, Trying to draw something as a gift to my poly classmates. Hmm... i hope its a nice one. :) i am going to redraw like crazy to duplicate. :)))))

WEE happiness. :) okay la, i should leave already. Take care everyone. Its a short plus random post. GOOD BYEEE. :)

Going to dance i hope i dont break any bones. :)

loves suie. :)

p/s: i am .... recovering? But i hate the people of __________

relatively

2010-10-26T06:35:00.000-07:00

"I do hope i have the strength to start anew. To start over again. To stand up once more. To come back." suie.

If i have to walk alone i venture to places i have never been before, but if i follow the crowd i can only go as far as the crowd brings me.

There is always a counter quote/reply to any quotes/phrases;

Just like how everything doesn't seem the same, or mean the same in different perspective and to every individual.

Second day of school. Butt is aching like mad. Literally.

Slipped, fell and slide down the stairs. Almost fell and face plant five times within two days.

School is okay. But i am feeling sick. Probably gonna need more rest. Maybe it's time for me to grow up. even though i will still be as retarded, muddle head, forgetful and... Crazily insane time to time. :)

And always: weird&random. :)

And and: i will still be doing sports and dancing. :)

Anyhow, school work is falling in once more, all the teachers/ lecturers i have met till now for my modules are okay. But i am having strange and funny combination of group members for the semester. I am a little terrified i must say, for i really want my grades to be better and i am not sure if.. my new mates are able to work as well and efficient together like my past group mates.

But worries aside, i am sure a new semester is going to be.. fun and better.

Feeling relatively good, because i gave up somethings and thought through some things. Had some rest and got to know one of the surgery of my friend's little sister went well. Happy. Thank God. ;)

Okay, i should leave it here. And about it. I suppose i am going to blog more often already.

Toodles.

Suie/kiki.

P/s: i still miss you. And to another you, i only have regrets, but i am going to cancel them all for once.

Timeless.

2010-10-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

Literally, the first day of school of the new semester.

But i felt empty. well, at least my tummy is filled till the brim like crazy, And i am super heavy already. So damn sad.

These past two years drove me crazy. Literally. All the problems and all. I told my friend that i seem to be less stronger than who i was in the past. The past me wouldn't think she would be in this state if she met me and listen about my life. But it's life isn't it?

And so i thought ranting was a good idea; since i am already an open book, why not just pushing it further for some one to hold on and whine to. But a little hay-wired it become.

Now, i just want to let go of everything, if i could, and not be affected by anything. Well at least than i will be not/less mindful about performing in front of my seniors and all. ;)

But well, it's easier to be said than done.

__Slightly Edited.__

Because of not being able to contain some of my outflowing emotions and terror, I know these months i have been terrible. Horrible even.

But Kudos to those who survived it.

Huge thanks to those who were there, who listened and cared.

Charis; michelle; Jbaby; Crystal; Dwayne; wayne; _______; Cassandra; Huiyuan; Xueling; Arran & _______. [Not in particular order, and if i missed out any. SORRY. ]

A few things to mention:

Charis told me that, i shouldn't get so affected easily by people. Especially people whom don't matter and those that often say things or do things that don't mean. I really don't understand the fact but somehow i just got to accept it.

Cry. Some thing i've known from very young and have always been living with it. I am like a cry baby. The slightest things can make me cry, even laughing or the feeling of rejection. Not that i purposely meant to. But it just happened. Today i cried. And before that i almost did twice or thrice.

I believe in karma. So i just gotta stay good. Well, for the fact that wanting to be mean to the people i love isn't easy. :) Gawd, i just want to tell my friends how much i love them. Oh dear.

Like, i feel much calmer after talking to charis. Some times i think the things she went through doesn't lose to anybody, though she might seem spiteful and weak, but she's not. Definitely not. :)

Oh well. Enough about this and that. I guess, suie's gotta stand up and start some where again. Now you know the reason why you can't be like how you used to be, and how things aren't they way they used to seem. But one thing for sure, you can make it better together with Lord. :)

Ah. :) Yes, suie buck-up buck-up! Don't get affected, be motivated. Get up and be passionate, persevere and work hard and smart together. DANCE DANCE DANCE. ;)

yeah. Nothing should get me down. Even i have to be alone which i know, at least i still have my family, i still have GOD. :) I love you guys. :)

Byebye. :)

Going off; suie.

P/s: Now that i know, i think of you. and that i miss you! ;) i hope to see you soon baby. :)

Mumblings.

2010-10-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

I really want to freaking give up sometimes. It's like escaping Plus giving up is so much easier. But really, is it that easy to forget about it? It will come back isn't it? won't it haunt you? the responsibilities, the nagging and bugging feeling. Wrong, all wrong.

I totally wanted to blog something else. End up, blogger proves itself to be a place for rants and everything i want to voice under the sun/moon/rain/clouds/skies/universe/whatever.

Talking to random people makes my day. Because they tend to listen, as its that span of attention you require. If i make any sense. I need a good listener, probably also one of my good friends. But sometimes, i really hate to explain my point, which i always do. Habitual.

Talking to awesome friends i have makes my day too. :) I am claiming they are awesome already, so nothing less right? :)

SMILES:)

TIME OUT.

Going out here, leaving.

LOVE suie.

i wanted a P/s.. But i forgot what i wanted to write!

Maintenance.

2010-10-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

You know, the funny thing is i always thought 'Maintenance' is spelled as 'maintainance'

Goodness, right? :)

Anyway, being random and all.

Caught a couple movies this week and last. Lost two kg and gain back. So i have to work hard on losing six more kg(s) by end of the year. :) Hopefully!.:)

Dance dance dance. But seriously i think it isn't enough. I need to train my basics. I need to train much more. I need to keep my stamina going, at least for dance. Oh well, and jogging and swimming. :) all the aerobics stuff. More weight training, work out and gym-ing. Those i ought to be doing also. Talk about pre-holiday plans. Ptffs. :)

Goals and more goals. I need to reach them. I really am getting nervous/anxious and excited about danzation. Looks small, but i must have faith and trust that it will be biggg!

WHOPPPESS. :) FRIENDS DO COME AND WATCH. At least i can stare at familiar faces and dance. :) WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Love, hugs, kisses.! ;)

Okay, before this i was getting egg-cited about my T.O.P. Okay, so maybe he isn't mine. Anyway, he's coming on sat. :) :) a picture would be good. :) But anyhow. :)

Alright, a randomy and short post. :) Bye people. :)

Loves like a thousand hearts. ;)

Draw a flower in your mind, put in on paper and send it to me. :)

Loves suie.

leaving.